Divorce déjà vu: The end of your second marriage

After your first marriage ended, you may have resolved to make the next one work. You learned from your mistakes, and you were confident you would not repeat them. Like many who remarry, you may have hoped you found the perfect partner this time. The first divorce probably made you painfully aware of every flaw in your spouse, and you thought your new partner might be different.

Despite your best efforts, you are facing a second divorce. It’s probably no comfort to learn that the odds were against you from the beginning. In fact, some statistics show that 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce.

Choosing sides can be a losing game

Some psychologists believe that part of the reason why so many second marriages don’t last may be the difficult decisions spouses need to make with a new partner. Whether real or imagined, these competing factions may breed resentment in one or both spouses. Some possible conflicts include:

  • Making your spouse or your children the priority in your life
  • Balancing time, attention and discipline between your biological children and your stepchildren
  • Competing with your spouse’s ex for your spouse’s attention
  • Competing with your ex or your spouse’s ex for control of money or assets

In addition, you may have found yourself less willing to deal with the daily frustrations or idiosyncrasies of your new spouse. Marriage counselors find this is common in second marriages. Partners who have been through a divorce are less tolerant of imperfections in a new spouse and are more likely to walk away when the going gets rough.

Practice doesn’t always make perfect

Psychologists say that it is emotionally easier for some to divorce after a second or third marriage because they have been through it before and the element of uncertainty is gone. However, there are other factors that may make a subsequent divorce more difficult, and trying to manage those complications alone may prove stressful and frustrating.

If your second or third marriage is not working out, you will want to protect your children and your assets, as well as provide for your future. An experienced family law attorney can facilitate your divorce and work through the complexities of asset division and potential spousal support, leaving you free to focus on your children and your future.


FindLaw Network